Good lord can you imagine what the U.S. economy would be like if supporting local business, clean energy, fair trade practices and sustainable product life cycles were as sexy – and appealing to the masses – as say, a popular erotic romance novel? Here at 350 media the idea is positively, well, let’s just say “organic”.
To start, in this eco-enhanced version the Federal government would no longer be subsidizing $6.6 million dollars a day to the top 5 grossing oil and gas companies. It’s just not sexy. Kowtowing to corporate greedy villains that already bank $137 billion annually, and trapping hard-working consumers in an continuous CO2 spiral of climate destruction would be verboten.
Instead (and here’s where it gets 50 Shades good so make sure to picture everything in slow motion with a lot of sun-kissed photovoltaics and turbine tousled locks) renewable energy, energy efficiency and their eco-friendly counterparts would at last be recognized beneath the geeky librarian glasses as the bronzed and muscled hero – and intelligent bombshell heroine – ready to create a green powered landscape with the help of $6.6 million a day in gov’t subsidies. Imagine the ecstasy of:
- Solar PV & Solar Thermal: Billions of glistening solar cells atop parking lot carports, median income households and corporate America all pulsating clean energy into the grid alongside massive solar plants like Ivanpah, which boasts 392 MW and a seductive, low-environmental impact design.
- Wind Turbine Farms: Stoic, silent, rising marble-white out of land and sea like Michelangelo’s David. Millions of them. Enough said.
- Biofuels: Where do we begin? We’ll have to peek up at you from under heavy black-framed glasses in sheer, unadulterated brilliance here whilst we discuss advancements in European feedstock technologies, Argentine milo and biogas initiatives, Caldicellulosiruptor bescii, etc.
- Corn-Based & Compostable: Biodegradable sounds good, right baby? So let’s just stop producing the hundreds of thousands of petroleum-based products that clog up the landfills and leach into the ground water. Plus, all those nasty toxins wreak cellular havoc on those sculpted and oh, so, plant-based physiques.
- And, oooh don’t forget about that Chevy Volt … and the absolutely mouth-watering Tesla S. Just a glimpse of its electric battery capacity driving by leaves pro Terra enthusiasts everywhere weak in the knees with 0-Fuel adoration.
Doesn’t it all just make you Marilyn Monroe breathless? And, speaking of Marilyn … although it’s not his birthday, Mr. President would (in this chapter’s controversial climax) eradicate any chance of a tar sands pipeline with just one steely, well-placed glance at that deadly carbon intensive carrying Keystone XL.
Superhero style, Obama will return all the land that’s currently being commandeered under Eminent Domain (by a Canadian company for goodness sake, how exactly this is possible we’re still not sure) to homeowners up and down these United States that now have a potentially leaky pipeline in their backyards being built without their consent - and which nets them absolutely no fiscal profitability but actually increases monetary losses in tandem with serious environmental hazards.
It’s got all the makings of a great green romance novel, don’t you think? Super sexy with just the right amount of villainous, money hoarding oil and gas CEO’s (some of whom clearly inhaled a bit too much petroleum during their rise to the top); principled eco heroes ready to lay all worldly goods on the line to protect young and old); and enough government plot twists to ensure the emotionally-charged, unpredictable global warming finale of the century. Someone should buy these movie rights!
Until then, here at 350 media we can’t actually make you or your business 50 shades sexier – we’re just really skilled at customizing digital media marketing strategies after all (although for a peaches and cream complexion with a nicely toned beach body we’ve read that following a vegan-based diet with lots of deep yogic breathing, walking, cycling and tree hugging, etc., and then sporting a solar-powered bikini … will get you a couple shades closer).